Depression?? I'm not sure...?

As someone who suffers from depression myself I can tell you that you have a very severe case of it. I did as well and it took 200mgs. of Zoloft to make it bearable. I still get to feeling like I've gone to the end of my rainbow looking for my pot of gold, but ended up following that rainbow to the wrong end. Depression is nothing to be ashamed of. It's a chemical problem and cirstances in your life can aggravate it. If you can afford it I think it would be extremely important to talk to a doctor about this. You deserve a better quality life. In the meantime feel free to e-mail me if you just want to talk. Hugs to you.